Relationship violence can happen to anyone. People who are LGBTI  (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, takatāpui, queer, fa'afafine) may face similar types of violence to other people, but there are particular tactics that can be used to control or manipulate.

These include:

  • threats to be ‘outed’ to friends, whānau or employers
  • hiding or otherwise limiting access to hormones, anti-retroviral drugs or other medication
  • engaging in sex or sexual activities without consent, such as bare-backing (men having sex without a condom). 

There are community organisations which provide free confidential services to people who identify as LGBTI.  They include:

  • 0800 OUTLINE (0800 688 5463)
  • 0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843)

Rainbow Youth and It’s not OK partnered to produce ‘You, Me / Us’, a booklet on healthy relationships and what support is available when things go wrong, for people in same-sex or queer relationships.

The You, Me / Us booklet and three posters are available in our free resources section to download or order - search for You Me Us

Read more about 'You, Me / Us'.

If you are concerned about violence, these organisations can help or offer advice:

Also check out Hohou Te Rongo Kahukura – Outing Violence website

The website is part of a project funded by It's not OK Campaign and launched by an advisory group of takatāpui, queer and transgender community groups.

Kahukura logo

The website has a report on the project with findings and recommendations, plus fact sheets for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex survivors. There’s also information about how to step in if you’re worried about a friend using or experiencing violence; how to stay safe leaving an abusive relationship, and definitions of sexual and partner violence.

Audio of a presentation about the Hohou Te Rongo Kahukura project via

Takatāpui and their whānau can find resources about communication and support, including interviews with takatāpui rangatahi on this website.

Growing up Takatapui: Whanau journeys

The It's not OK Campaign has supported the production of these resources.