Things I can say or do


  • Give support not advice
  • Take violence seriously
  • Challenge the behaviour not the person
  • Think about safety
  • Choose a quiet time
  • Any little thing you do can help


  • Are you OK?
  • Is someone hurting you?
  • Are you scared to go home?
  • Is there anything I can do?
  • Do you feel safe at home?


  • It's not OK your kids are scared of you
  • It's not your fault someone is hurting you
  • When you're ready I'm here
  • It's not OK that you are being hurt


  • Keep in touch
  • Call to say Hi
  • Offer to babysit
  • Listen
  • Be there
  • Keep the door open
  • Offer a safe place to go
  • Find out about family violence
  • Get help if someone is in danger, call the Police on 111

“I didn't know what else to do so I said I'd take the children for an hour or two.”

“I decided to keep on saying hello and asking how she was even though she didn't say much. I had a feeling something was going on and she might need me one day.”

“I don't mind if you call me or come over whatever the time, I mean it, my door's always open.”

In this video, Jo from Otorohanga talk about how she uses the positive relationship quiz  to help people in her role as a community champion.

Jo from Otorohanga

Women’s Refuge and Shine have more information on helping someone you know.

Read some of our Stories of hope and change too.