Things I can say or do
Listen:
- Give support not advice
- Take violence seriously
- Challenge the behaviour not the person
- Think about safety
- Choose a quiet time
- Any little thing you do can help
Ask:
- Are you OK?
- Is someone hurting you?
- Are you scared to go home?
- Is there anything I can do?
- Do you feel safe at home?
Say:
- It's not OK your kids are scared of you
- It's not your fault someone is hurting you
- When you're ready I'm here
- It's not OK that you are being hurt
Do:
- Keep in touch
- Call to say Hi
- Offer to babysit
- Listen
- Be there
- Keep the door open
- Offer a safe place to go
- Find out about family violence
- Get help if someone is in danger, call the Police on 111
“I didn't know what else to do so I said I'd take the children for an hour or two.”
“I decided to keep on saying hello and asking how she was even though she didn't say much. I had a feeling something was going on and she might need me one day.”
“I don't mind if you call me or come over whatever the time, I mean it, my door's always open.”
In this video, Jo from Otorohanga talk about how she uses the positive relationship quiz to help people in her role as a community champion.

Women’s Refuge and Shine have more information on helping someone you know.
Read some of our Stories of hope and change too.