What if I'm rejected?

Don’t give up.

It can take a long time for victims to leave. In many relationships violence doesn't happen all the time and they may still love the person and hope for the violence to stop. As a helper, being there for when they need you is the most important thing.

Changing violent behaviour takes a long time, it's not an instant decision. Providing support and belief that someone CAN change is the best way to help someone change.

Some types of help are not effective for adults such as:

  • unsolicited advice – telling people what they should do
  • plans that over-ride victims’ and perpetrators' choices – except in crisis situations
  • help that is controlled by the helper.


Shine and Women's Refuge have more information on helping someone you know. 

Children may need someone to take charge of their safety.

Barnardos has good information for helping children.

Plunket also has good advice about helping children.