How can I stop my mother?

I have been in family violence ever since I was 4 years, my mother would hit me with anything that was near her like shoe, vacuum, wire or anything that was hard enough to hit me so hard because my mother was angry at something and started putting her anger on me. Please how can I stop my mother from putting her anger on me?

Thank you for your question, you're amazing for speaking out and asking for help, good on you.

One thing that we do know is that we can never take responsibility for another person's actions. We can also never force another person to change. 

However there is one person that we can look after and that is ourselves. We must look at YOU first. From what you have said the violence sounds extreme especially with the things your mother uses to hurt you so it is a situation where you may have to ring the Police or go and see them. Take a person you trust with you. 

You are in danger of being seriously hurt or maybe killed and your life could be at risk. The Police have family violence teams who specialise in this area and would be able to not only help you but possibly your Mum as well. They can connect you to people who would be able to help you and support you. 

This problem is not going to go away or get any better until it is brought out into the open. It's not only the fear of your physical safety but the emotional effects that a person suffers when they are abused.

If you cannot go to the Police maybe you have a family member or close friend, someone you trust, who you can go to and talk to. 
If you are of school age is there a counsellor at school you could go to. If you are not at school is there a place you can go to keep yourself safe and away from harm? 

You could make a safety plan up for yourself that you use if the situation with your Mum is getting out of hand. It could involve: 

• phoning the Police
• phoning a neighbour, family member or friend who lives close by. Let them know their part in the safety plan so if they get a call from you they are aware of what's going on. 
• leaving and going to a place where you will be safe
• having a contact person on speed dial in your phone
• having money put aside for a taxi if you have to leave in a hurry.

If you seek help then someone may need to talk to Mum too which could bring her some help in dealing with her anger; There are a lot of organisations that have programmes to help people deal with anger.

Please remember, what your mother does to you is not your fault, it never was and never will be. OK ?? 

Jude

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