I panic all the time

Please can you tell me how or where to go for emotional and verbal abuse. My husband is continuously putting me down, patronising me, and telling me that I am stupid. I suffer from such low self esteem and self worth, that I find I panic all the time and have a social phobia. I hate speaking on the phone and get very nervous. I am not working at the moment.

What a courageous woman you are for writing in and asking for help. Well done!! Situations and relationships like you have described can be very difficult and very damaging even without the presence of physical abuse. The effects of emotional and verbal abuse can be just as damaging sometimes worse.

The fact that you panic and have a social phobia and get nervous when speaking on the phone are effects of the abuse you are being subjected to. Family violence can destroy who we are in many ways and take us off course from who we are meant to be and this is what is happening to you

So what can you do? The first step is to acknowledge that you need help which is what you have already done, so you are already on your way. Feel proud of yourself and give yourself a pat on the back and please know that you are not stupid!!

There are programmes in most communities for women like yourself who need help and support and encouragement, designed specifically to uplift and empower you with no judgment or pressure. They help you build your self esteem and educate you around family violence. It can also be very comforting to be amongst other women who are going through exactly what you are going through.

Phone our information line on 0800 456 450 to find out what's available in your area.

Another option is one on one counselling and this may help you build your self esteem and understand that this is not about anything you have done but that you have been affected by the abuse.

Another thing you could do is have a look at your circle of friends or family and see if there is someone you can trust who you can go to when things get difficult and this person can remind you of the good things about yourself.

As for your relationship, I don't know if your husband is able to take responsibility for the abuse he is inflicting on you, because that's exactly what it is. Maybe if he was open to it you could get some brochures around family violence and all the forms of abuse and see if he will read them. He can also phone our 0800 number to find out what help is available for him to change his behaviour, if he is willing to do that.

No-one should ever be abused - ever - please remember that.

Jude

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