I understand what I did was so wrong

Hi Jude, I had a partner that I didn't trust. I love him still but he doesn't want me anymore cos I was texting him last Saturday morning and he never replied so I went there at his place and knocked on the window and his door but he didn't answer it. So I got my car key from my pocket and scratched his teammate's car which was parked at his place because I was angry cos he didn't answer the door. Sometimes I get jealous of him because I think that he has seen someone else but I love him. He is a good guy but it is just me who gets mad and crazy sometimes. Can you please tell me what to do or shall I leave him alone for good? I understand what I did was so wrong and I really don't want to go there anymore. Thank you.

Thank you for your letter and having the courage to acknowledge that the action you took in regards to the keying of the car was wrong and that you don't want to continue with that kind of behaviour. That is a very important first step, well done!!

Sometimes when we feel angry and/or jealous and don't know how to deal with it appropriately we can do things that aren't beneficial to anyone and there can also be consequences that can have an effect on us in a negative way.

So where to from here.? I think the focus needs to be completely on you and how we can help build your confidence and learn new techniques for you to use when you find yourself angry. There are a number of agencies in all parts of New Zealand who can help with these particular issues. I suggest you phone 0800 456 450 and talk to them about your needs and what you would like. They will then advise you of what is available and how to proceed.

Some of the options open to you are counselling, one on one or group programmes which are designed to help with different things like building self confidence and self esteem, anger issues and domestic violence. There is no judgement, they are purely to help empower you and help you. One of the advantages of group programmes is that you can meet new people and you learn that you are not the only one who is dealing with certain things and it is always done in a safe non-threatening manner.

The more we can build ourselves and our confidence the better as this can help lead us to having more healthy trusting relationships which are free of violence, anger and jealousy which is want we all want.

Jude

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