I'm worried something bad will happen

My sister is living with a guy who hits her and doesn't treat her very well but she says he loves her and it's all ok. I wish that I could do something because I remember when she was happy and not so worried all the time but I just don't know how to go about saying something. What would be a good thing to say or do? I'm worried something bad will happen or that she will stop talking to me.

From your letter, one thing that we do know is that it is not OK to treat anyone in a way that makes them feel hurt or bad or violates their rights in any way. Using physical violence towards your sister is not and never will be acceptable. Also treating her not very well can be abuse just in another form and again is not acceptable. These forms of abuse are harmful and hurtful and can change a person.

A question we must ask is "If a person loves another person then why would they treat them that way? Is that love??" There is one thing that we know love is not and that is "abuse" in any form.

Your sister is very fortunate to have you and it is wonderful that you are there for her. Perhaps you can share your concerns with her at an appropriate time, maybe when you and her are alone. It would be a good idea to ask her if she is frightened of her partner and if she ever fears for her safety.

Making consistent contact, either through a physical visit or phone or text, will help her to know that you are there for her regardless of what she chooses to do or not do. It is also incredibly important that you come from a place of no judgement and no expectations. This can be very difficult as it can be so hard to see someone we love and care about being hurt and remaining in the very situation that is causing them this pain.

Remind her that she is an amazing woman who does not deserve to be abused and any opportunity you get try and uplift and empower her. The more we can build a person's self esteem and self worth and self value the more chance we have of helping them realise they do not deserve that treatment.

Keep loving her and being there for her and hopefully when the time is right for her to leave and get help she will feel that she can come to you because you have been there for her unconditionally and with no judgement.

You could also get hold of some brochures on the subject of family violence from agencies who work in this area and maybe show her (again at an appropriate time that will not cause any problems for her from her partner). This may trigger an acceptance of what is happening to her and seek help and support. If it doesn't right away, maybe it will plant a seed that she will acknowledge at a later date when she is ready and the time is right for her. This is where your continuous and consistent support is absolutely crucial so she knows she has someone there for her when that time is right.

Jude

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