What can I do - I need to protect my girls

My husband has physically assaulted me twice during the time we were married, and for many years I have been subjected to emotional and mental abuse from him as have my children. I finally found the courage to say enough was enough and we split in September 2006 - he did not move out till October 2006. He then, at a later date, assaulted me in front of our girls.

I have had a year from hell, with courts, being put under the microscope and I did nothing wrong. My children have undergone counselling and he continues to mess with their minds and in my opinion and my daughters' counsellor, he continues to mentally and emotionally abuse them. He is highly confrontational and very difficult to have a simple conversation with, he reverts to very childish behaviours. He projects his behaviours on to me and is very manipulative and convincing to others that he is hard done by and that he has done no wrong.

I do not wish to go back to the courts as I am told he will just get told to stop and nothing else will be done and it will cost me thousands of dollars and he can continue to treat our girls badly. He is in breach of the parenting agreement several times over but again police and courts will do nothing. What can I do - I need to protect my girls. I do not wish them to grow up dysfunctional or emotionally scared adults. Since being in the system I can see why there are so many women that do not get out because they feel trapped or helpless and children grow up to be dysfunctional in society because even mothers can't protect them as the law won't.

Good on you for the strength you have shown in working through some very difficult times and what a wonderful loving and caring mother you are to be so concerned with your girls' future and wanting to do all you can to help them.

It's not ok that you and your children have been experiencing ongoing physical and emotional abuse from your ex-partner. You all have the right to be safe and protected. It is understandable that you are feeling anxious and frustrated. But there are people who can help you so that you get the support you need and do not feel trapped by the system.

Any assault, threats, harassment, intimidation and breaching a court order are crimes that can be reported to the Police. The Police are responsible for pressing charges - not you. You can also ask to speak to the Police family violence coordinator. All areas have one. These people know and care about family violence and will be able to help.

It could be very helpful for you to find a domestic violence advocate to support you. Advocates from Women's Refuge or other domestic violence services can tell you about your legal rights, and help you deal with Police and courts. They will also help you and your children make a safety plan to deal with the continued abuse, and connect you with other services that can help. The services are free and confidential.

You can phone our information line to find out what's available in your area on 0800 456 450.

If you are afraid for your or your children's safety, or feel you are in danger at any stage, do not hesitate to call the Police on 111.

I can also share my thoughts and suggestions with you regarding your daughters.

What you can do is provide them with a loving, secure and stable home which is the place where they can be loved unconditionally, where they are safe and can be themselves. Communication is very important. Keep talking with them, let them know how much you love them.

One other suggestion would be that you have counselling maybe individually (all three of you) then with you and your girls together. Specialist family violence counselling can help you all heal from the violence you have experienced. There are many organisations with specialised people who are qualified to help us in situations like this.

Jude

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