Q:

He gets violent every time

I have been with my partner for a year and two months and we have a baby that's four months old, we have a lot of problems and he gets violent every time. 

I don't know how to get him help.

I'm only 17 and he's 18 I just want what's best for my baby


A:

Hallo, thank you for writing in. I really feel for you in this situation.

But I am really thankful that in your email you have put baby first cos that's where it's at. FOR REAL!

You are both so young and so is baby.

These are the most important and informative years for baby, this is the time when babies are in hyper learning mode, they are learning all the time. There's nothing in their heads, it's empty and they're working hard to fill it up.

Baby's head needs to be filled up with all good things that you can both offer in order to get a good start to life.

It's gonna be really hard for you to get your partner to see that he needs to do something about his violent ways and it may take a while before he gets his A into G, meanwhile we need to make sure that baby is in a safe place to begin to grow and you're in a safe place to make that happen.

Baby needs to be fed, clothed, looked after, loved, cared for, taught, educated, changed, put to sleep and all these things need to be done in a caring, loving environment and the best place for this to happen is... at home.

If you can't be at home to do this then you need to get yourself and baby to a safe place where these things can happen.

The priority is you and baby NOT your partner.

He is not the baby! He is not a baby.

He is an able bodied man who can look after himself. BABY can't. BABY needs you.

Ask him to leave and get help. You partner can jump onto our 
Website http://www.areyouok.org.nz/home.php
Face book page https://www.facebook.com/ItsNotOK?hc_location=stream
OR 
He can ring our information line on 0800 456 450.

Let him know that it's ok to ask for help and find all the programmes and workshops that he needs. I would love it if your partner could email me and we can work together on making him a Safe Man free from family violence.

If he doesn't do anything to stop the violence then you have to for yours and baby's safety.
You can also ring 111 and get the Police involved.

It would be awesome if he made contact and joined a local stopping violence group and/or made contact with me.

I want to help him to be a safe man to have a safe family.

Always here for you, him and the family

Vic

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