Q:

How can I help stop the violence?

Hi Vic, I would like your advice please on how to assist my brother in law and father, to stop the violence and ease back on the drugs in my sister's home. 

I know that she will never leave the situation, as she loves them both a lot. 

But there are children involved, and I think they are best off if the family stays together.

My brother in law is a good father when he is not on so much drugs, but my Dad is not a good influence, and his Dad and mine were both very scary growing up.

So my sister does not see their behaviour as 'not normal'.

I want to help them, I just don't know where to go for help for "hard" men, in the far north.

Thank you.


A:

Hallo, thank you for writing in and asking for help for your brother in law and father.

These men in your family need to know that their behaviour of violence and drug abuse is not ok and not acceptable anymore in the family and that help is out there and available for them.

The challenge has to be put to these two men that Family Violence is not OK but that it is OK to Ask for Help.

How do we do this?

Together with your sister and other family members, an approach needs to be made to both men separately that their violent behaviour is no longer acceptable and will not be tolerated within the family.

The men need to ring our information line on 0800 456 450 and get the contact number of the local stopping violence programme so that they can get help for their violence and drugs.

Your sister must make contact with the Women's Refuge and a safety plan enacted to get your sister and the kids to a safe place.

The safety of your sister and the kids is the priority.

They are definitely in danger.

It seems hard but this is what needs to happen so that your sister and the kids are safe and the men are on the journey of becoming safe men.

The men need to be on this journey in order for them to be safe to move home.

Your brother in law cannot stay at the house, he needs to move out while he is on the violence free journey.

The family home must always be a violence free zone, that is the reason for him moving out while getting help and allowing the family to move back home and getting back to as normal life as possible.

The aim is for the brother in law to be a safe man and the family to be safe with him and with the dads/granddads.

Unfortunately at this stage the men don't know what they don't know about the cause and effect of family violence and I want them to get the awareness and education around it so that all the men of your family can put an end to the curse of family violence in this generation.

Totally support you for wanting to help your sister and the kids and also the men of your family.

I am just an email away for you but more especially for the men.

All the best.

Vic

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