Q:

I get angry easily

Hi Vic, I'm in a bit of a minefield here. I'm 47 yrs old and I'm reaching out for help before this problem gets further out of control. I get angry easily and for pathetic reasons, and though I've never hit my partner, it has been close several times. I yell a lot (and yes, I acknowledge that is abuse too) and it breaks me when I see my little girl (6 years) cringe when I start yelling, or when my son (4 years) bellows back at me "you're such a meanie!" as he storms off ... behaviour he has learned from me!

I need to get help soon, but living in a small town, where do I turn to? I'm a big guy (6' 3" and solid) and I'm an intimidating looking character, but don't want to be seen as that anymore. I need help before I do something that will send me over the abyss.


A:

Hallo, and thank you for writing in and having the bravery and wisdom to write in wanting to get help before ‘this problem gets further out of control'.

Writing in is your first step to getting well, acknowledging that you have a problem and from what you have written you do have some idea that there are things that you know are violent or abusive but don't know what to do about it or how to take care of it.

I want you to get help, get on the phone and ring 0800 456 450 and find the contact details for a local stopping violence service, ring them and see how you can get on their next intake.

It doesn't matter how far you have to go to get help. You need this help as soon as possible.

I don't like the fact that you are already yelling at the kids and that you have come close to hitting your wife. Their behaviour is reflective of yours.

This to me is an indication that ‘you don't know what you don't know'.

You know that something is wrong but you don't know what the ‘triggers' are that make you angry and cause you to yell and make you come close to even think about hitting.

Through the stopping violence programme you can get the knowledge that can help you to understand what all these ‘triggers' are and how to ‘de trigger' the negative behaviour and how to change your behaviour to the positive.

Getting the awareness of these ‘triggers' can be life changing my friend, so get ready to ‘handle the jandle'. This will be the beginning of your journey to be a safe man with a safe family.

Your journey to be a safe man and the learning of new skills, picking up new tools and knowledge will be what you are wanting that will help to change the behaviour of your children.

How much positive time are you spending with your children? They are certainly picking up on your negative stuff.

When you ring the 0800 number ask them about resources and contacts to help you to understand about raising your children, about the brain development and how to get on with your children so that you can make a positive impression on them instead of the negative one that they are picking up on.

This is your life role DAD, this is your life job, my friend.

My friend, get onto it and get back to me, asap, so that I know how you are getting on.

I want to know that you are a SAFE man with a SAFE family.

Vic

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