A story of child abuse and recovery.

I don't know when I lost myself. When the beatings became normal, I forgot my name.

Tena koutou katoa. My name is Patumoana Jeremy Eparaima, known to some as Patu and some as Jeremy. I am 49 years old...

I spent 10 years in a violent relationship while my three children watched on...

For years I had raged and the constant arguments I put my family through was, in my mind, a normal part and parcel of a marriage....

I used to bury my head in the pillow and hum to myself to drown out the sound of my drunken father verbally and physically assaulting my mother....

My story began when my 16 year old son took his own life....

I was 16 years old when my story of abusive relationships began....

I was abused as a young child by a family member, sexualised from a very young age....

I have lived with violence for most of my life. I grew up in a home where the two things to fear where the words "wait till your father gets home" and the belt.