Breaking free - 16 September 2016
Being a survivor of a past abusive relationship, the hardest part was breaking through the mental abuse that drained me to a point where it was hard to think for myself let alone ask for help.
Everything was about him controlling my life to suit his needs. I got to the point of thinking the abuse would never end without myself ending up dead or myself committing a crime. Being with a man that felt he was master of all. Having people believe him that I was the cause of why he felt he needed to hit me every other day, left me believing maybe he was right.
I could see the abuse clearly but when you are constantly living in the abuse behind closed doors the last thing you think about is asking for help. The drug and alcohol, pub scene lifestyle played a big part of the abuse. Three years I won't get back.
This man was clever. The Police called him a Sophisticated Abuser and I have to say they were right. He knew what he was doing and he knew when to be abusive. He got away with a lot.
At first the Police didn't believe me but when they started to see the pattern of abuse they were very supportive. I was disappointed a jury found him not guilty.
I knew that I had to relive all the abusive memories again by speaking out. I couldn't bring myself to see that it was the first stage of breaking free but I did it. It took a while but I am free from the ugliness of that abusive life though a lot of the physical abuse is now coming back to haunt me. I didn't think much at the time about being booted in the back while he wore hobnail boots.
I am wiser to abuse and seeing and knowing the signs. I will never allow anyone to abuse me in anyway again. I am confident in being assertive with people - something that was taught to me in my recovery.
As for my abuser, he has now moved on to another relationship where I know the woman is most probably being abused by him as he knows no other way to be.
So yes, asking for HELP is the first stage of breaking free.
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